YAY, I’d be 26.
I left my house during the day today, for the first time in a few weeks. I felt an air of superiority to everyone I met. I was contemptuous of them. Humanity is an ignorant, parasitic blight, and I was the only one that realized it was doing something about it.
talk about ignorant
I think it was Lestat in The Body Thief who despaired about being Human. It’s summed up pretty well in there.
I did feel a sense of control and… lightness, as I walked about. The knowledge that nothing can really be done to you is somewhat empowering. What can anyone do to me now that I’ve decided to die?
I am so tired of being Human, but at least it will end soon.
I remember reading that Benjamin Franklin would make a list of Pro’s and Con’s before making a decision. Well I’ve already made my decision, but I thought I’d reminisce on the things I’ll miss.
Comics – Man I love comics… I know more about comics than I should. Wonder how Civil war turns out…
Lost, the Office, Heroes – These three shows are Great.
Naruto and other anime – Will Sasuke EVER come back??
MaX and Shahin getting us stuck in mountains… and other stupid adventures.
First Kisses: It’s all downhill from there.
My Dogs – all of them, that means Raisen, Pheonix, Cairo, Biscuit, Hero, Other Dog, and more
Final Fantasies – Although I have a feeling I’d be continually more and more disappointed. FF II/IV is, indubitably, not only the best Final Fantasy of all time, but RPG and video game of all time.
RPGs – Of all sorts… DnD, Rifts, Vampire, too many to name.
NetHack – I DO regret that I’ll never ascend. I also believe that, if there is an afterlife, I may be relegated to a lower level for Not having ascended.
Sunrises and sunsets and full moons and new moons and stars.. Nature in general. I love nature.
4 by 4 Animal style – mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm /drool
Zankou Chicken and their garlic sauce..
Hell, food of ALL kinds.. DAMN I love foooooood!!!
IRC.. for some reason… damn I had a LOT of nicks…
Reading: I’ll never finish all 1001 books now.
My friends: Most importantly. All of them, all around the world. Hey, do me a favor and DON’T leave stupid messages on myspace, etc., thanx.
Oh man there are sooo many things I’ll miss… but if I keep writing this list, I’ll never leave.
I grew up reading comics, sci-fi and fantasy, RPGs and video games. By my 16th birthday, when puberty had certainly come, I was expecting my mutation to manifest. I held out a last hope at 18…
The future held nothing as exciting as what I’d been led to believe we would have, should have.
I felt/feel So… ripped off!!!
This life has been a Large disappointment for me.
I am so alone, I have no friends, no one understands me, everyone hates me, even my dogs don’t love me.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I know, at a higher level, that I have great friends, loving family and loyal pets. Yet I am infused with a sense of solitude that is overpowering.
Must be a manic phase! I’m starting to get excited. All my plans are coming to fruition. At first glance this might seem simple, but the subtle complexities are not apparent to those who haven’t tried before.
The desire to speak to all your friends and even enemies rears its head. That old friend you have to say good bye to. That ex-gf you called a bitch and didn’t mean to. Your Uncle you never hugged. The mailman you never thanked…
I actually start to see all these as subconscious procrastination measures. So I reject them all. Well not All of them. I want to say goodbye to my two best friends…
I ALSO want to leave a YouTube suicide note. Not sure if anyone else has done it or not. I feel safe in doing it because the time it takes to verify the UL and post it is sufficient enough to allow me the ten or so minutes I’ll need to die.
I hate in movies when they cut everything unrealistically close, but there are so many things I need to do at the last minute to ensure I am not interfered with.
The YouTube video, REDDITing of my first post-death post, and final phone calls all have to happen immediately prior to launch. If any oxygen reaches me before death, I may end up in a paralyzed or vegetative state. Neither of these appeal to me, so timing is going to become critical.
When I was a kid, I would ball myself up in a blanket, and cry out to gods I didn’t believe in to kill me. I would have settled for a meteor, lightning, SIDs, a random car accident… Anything.
I didn’t even know why, except that I hated everything. I hated everyone. I would alternate between wanting to die and wanting everyone Else to die.. I think there was a Calvin and Hobbes about that.
I was filled with hate, and today, I sometimes get a taste of that hatred, in one form or another and I wonder: Where did all that Hate go? Did I expel it, or most if it? or did I simply hide it somewhere?
I was the one that stole Nick Corlett’s Magic Cards. If he desires, give him my entire collection. It contains all the ones he had, and about 10,000 others.
This Day, This time, in my room.
I know my family is gonna’ freak out over this. I try not to think about it because it is not a pleasant thought. So I thought about simply “disappearing.” Sadly, in order to ensure my privacy and thus completion of this act, my room is the best place to do this. So I apologize for being selfish even in death, but why break my personal patterns now, right?